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Web Devo:
Sunday Morning Showdown
by Rhonda Rhea
as seen in
Christian Parenting Today

What to do when you hear, "I don't wanna go to church!"

I felt battle-weary as I limped from my preschool daughter's Sunday school room. She had started church as a member of the newborn class?a pastor's child, no less. My husband and I had worked to help our children love church. But little Allie was shifting into battle mode, complete with her own air-raid siren, as soon as her classroom came into view.

Well-meaning friends gave plenty of contradictory counsel. "Just let her cry it out, Hon'." Around the next corner I'd hear, "Never force her to go, Dear. She might hate church for the rest of her life." I carried the additional burden of trying to get to my class with this cute, dimpled child wrapped tightly around my left leg!

If you're like most parents, you have experienced at least one of those leech-like moments. Or maybe your deathly ill child has made a miraculous recovery as soon as he's sure it's too late to leave for church. Maybe you've experienced the "pew slouch" or the classic "eye roll" from your 10-year-old.

We can force our children to go to church, but can we make them like it?

Make a List

A good place to start is asking your child why she doesn't want to go to church. Help her talk about her feelings, remembering that they can be difficult to express. As she talks, make a list. Then you can begin to work through her concerns, item by item.

While you're listening, carefully guard your responses. When I hear, "My Sunday school teacher doesn't like me," my natural response is, "Of course your teacher likes you." Instead, I can guide my child in a positive way: "I'm sorry you feel your teacher doesn't like you. Can you tell me why you feel that way?"

Cindy Layman, a 13-year children's ministry veteran, says parents should check to make sure there isn't a legitimate problem with the class or Sunday school teacher. Investigate by asking specific, but nonoffensive, questions, and try sitting in on a class. If you notice areas that need improvement, speak privately with the teacher. If the problems persist, express your concerns to the church's leaders.

Often, however, the problem isn't with the teacher or the class. Kids have their own reasons for resisting...
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Up Words

Words are powerful. It’s amazing how placing a simple word or two in the wrong spot can convey a completely different meaning that intended. A mistaken accent here, a missed syllable there and you can find yourself in a colossal misunderstanding.

As a matter of fact, even perfectly ordered words can carry sneaky double meanings that can get you into hot water.

The other day, for instance, I told my family I wanted to try out a new recipe and that I needed a guinea pig. My kids ran screaming out of the room and immediately started hiding their pets. All I wanted was someone to try my new dish! “Guinea Fricassee” was the furthest thing from my mind, believe me. I have to admit, however, I thought about smacking my lips with something like, “Mmm, tastes like chicken.” Too bad the kids were already running through the house taking an animal inventory. I’m afraid that wasn’t an isolated miscommunication. These kinds of word things happen all the time around my house. Just today I told Allie to get on her homework. She sat on her book bag. Don’t you just hate being misunderstood? My nephew experienced it too. My brother, Randy, was in the car with his twelve- and thirteen-year-old boys. The talk show on the radio brought up the topic of spanking. One caller was bragging, “I got my last spanking at twelve years old when I learned I could outrun my parents.” Randy had to get out at that point and put gas in the car. When he got back, his oldest son tattled, “Dad, Benny said he could outrun you!” Benny was indignant. “Did not!” The record had to be set straight. “I said anyone could outrun Dad!” Sometimes a tough time is not necessarily a result of someone misinterpreting words. It’s a result of choosing to say the wrong ones. Words seem cheap. They don’t weigh anything, you can’t see them, they’re not fattening, and once they’re off the lips there’s hardly any physical evidence they’ve been there.

But we shouldn’t kid ourselves. They’re potent. They can heal or hurt, build up or tear down. I’ve decided that words are sort of directional. The up or down of my words is my choice. Proverbs 12:25 is a directional example: “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” I want to make a point of using “up” words. Words that “build up,” “lift up,” “cheer up”—in general “stir up” good. One of my favorite verses is Hebrews 10:24: “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works” (NKJV). There are different ways to stir up. I can stir up anger, I can stir up strife, or I can stir up love and good works. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Not too tough to figure which is the more rewarding, is it? Proverbs 15:23 tells us that good “up” words stir up joy: “A man finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!” Words are important to the Lord. He tells us in Matthew 12:36 that people will have to give account for every careless word spoken. Every word. He also tells us in that passage that the word thing is really a heart thing. “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (verse 34). Since words are important to Jesus, they need to be important to me. James 3:2 tells us that if we can control our words, our entire lives are affected. “If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.” Words are a giant part of my life. I write them and speak them every day. My children watch how I use them. They can also sense the direction of the words that I send their way. I want each word to go in the right direction and from the right direction—from a pure heart UP! I think I’ll let Ephesians 4:29 be my word compass. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others UP according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (emphasis added). UP words will leave a good taste in my mouth every time—not necessarily like guinea pig.

Excerpted from Amusing Grace—Hilarity and Hope in the Everyday Calamity of Motherhood by Rhonda Rhea (Cook Communications Ministries, Colorado Springs, CO, 2003), Chapter 29, pp. 99-100 (all rights reserved).

Interested in finding out more about the worthy walk in Christ?
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About High Heels
in High Places:

“This book is witty, warm, whimsical, wise and worthy of reading. Are you stepping in the footprints of Jesus? Rhonda walks us through these pages and shows us with stories and scripture how we can walk in His steps and get closer and closer to Him. Read and see—the shoe might just fit! You'll be glad you did!”
THELMA WELLS
Women of Faith speaker, President of A Woman of God Ministries
Author of God Is Not Through With Me Yet

“Rhonda Rhea has kicked up her heels in a creative, encouraging, hilarious manner that will have you laughing out loud while growing your faith. She skillfully weaves practical advice, personal anecdotes, and biblical wisdom into captivating chapters that speak truth to your soul while tickling your funny bone. Reading this book was like taking a walk with a very good friend who helped me enjoy the journey while leading me into a deeper relationship with God.”
CAROL KENT
Women of Faith Speaker,
Author of A New Kind of Normal

“The heels may be high, but I surely appreciate Rhonda Rhea’s down-to-earth, genuine approach to Colossians 1:9-12. She offers a wise and witty description of what it means to walk worthy. High Heels in High Places will have you laughing one minute and then crying sweet tears of surrender to our loving God the next. This book, like its author, is unforgettable and totally captivating. It’s one book you’ll want to enjoy over and over.”
JENNIFER ROTHCHILD
Women of Faith Speaker,
Author of Lessons I Learned in the Dark